the way of haiku

NOTES

This one started as:

cold morning return to bed
my lover’s touch inspires lust —
but the kettle whistles!

I had gotten up early, as usual, and started the tea kettle on the stove. I was then taken with a desire to hide from the cold in Fálki’s and my bed. When I got into bed, she reached over and touched my arm.

I love Fálki.

And then the kettle whistle sounded off! Time for tea and coffee.

I’m nos sure why I rewrote this one, which I am posting a little while after writing it, because I like the original, too. Perhaps it’s just an alternate version, rather than a rewrite.

[added on May 17, 2023]

Having thought about it, and after rewriting this haiku yet again for the prompt “lust” at Fálki’s Mighty Network, I think my original rewrite was inspired by the syllable count.

In my original, the syllable count was 7-7-6 and the rewrite, which I published above as the “final” version, is 5-7-5. However, the original lost the concept of returning to bed on a cold morning, which is what inspired the haiku to begin with.

So I rewrote it this way:

morning chill, back to bed
where my lover’s touch inspires lust —
but the kettle whistles!

This version is 6-8-6, which fits my current sensibility more than the original, and captures the moment most accurately. I had risen and started the kettle, I did get cold and return to bed, Fálki did touch my arm, which did arouse me, but just then the kettle whistle started blowing!